Focusing on disabled people's sexual needs
BY SAORI
The Daily Yomiuri
male friend, who was very kind to me. But we no longer see each other. So
I'd
like to meet another man and build up a relation of mutual trust with
him,
starting out with e-mail correspondence."
This message, which sounds like something that would appear on a Web
dating
site, was posted on a site for the physically and mentally disabled by a woman
who said she was suffering from severe cerebral palsy. The site caters to
disabled people who cannot fulfill their sexual needs without the help of
others.
Another example taken from the Web site, which is run by a group of
disabled
people, was posted by a
"As I have trouble coordinating my hands, I can't masturbate. I'm
really
frustrated," the man wrote. "I registered myself as a member of this
site
because I want help in relieving myself. As I live with my parents, I want
to
receive this kind of assistance somewhere else."
Such sentiments, though, seem to be conveniently veiled from public view.
"People want to avert their gaze from the reality that disabled people
have
sexual desires just like everyone else," says Kaori Kawai, 30, a writer
whose
first book, "Sex Volunteer," was published by Shinchosha Co. earlier
this
year.
In the book, she reports the reality of disabled people's sexuality based
on
interviews she conducted over a period of three years with dozens of disabled
people and volunteers who provide assistance in helping the disabled achieve
sexual relief.
While the title of the book sounds sensational, the content of the work
reveals Kawai's sincerity in bringing the matter to attention. The book has
sold
more than 100,000 copies_a big success for an unknown writer on such a serious
theme.
Kawai said: "Their sexuality isn't a new issue for them, their families,
or
people working at welfare institutions taking care of them. But as a topic,
it's never touched upon by the mass media because it's considered a taboo
in
our society. I wanted to challenge that."
Three years ago, the freelance writer was shocked when she saw a
videotape
filmed by an art college student that had disabled sexuality as a theme. In the
black-and-white documentary, which was completed as a graduation project,
the student could be seen helping a wheelchair-bound man in his late 60s
to
masturbate.
The man, who was living at a
from cerebral palsy and a respiratory function disorder that meant his
wheelchair had to be fitted with a ventilator and a pair of air tanks.
Dialogue
about his predicament is also featured in the film.
Among the few occasions the man is taken off his ventilator are his visits to
receive sexual relief at a sex parlor on his birthday or New Year's Day.
Kawai, having seen the film, decided to look more deeply into the topic.
She
interviewed the man featured in the video who "spoke" to her using a
dialogue
board on which he could point to printed hiragana characters.
"It can be hard for me to breathe (without the machine), but my sexuality
is
fundamental to the life I live. I can't stop (having sex)," the old
man
explained.
"I'll never forget his words," Kawai said.
On the aforementioned Web site, there are people registered as volunteers
to
assist sexual activities of disabled people. One of them, a man who lives
in
to any women, but I think I can help men to masturbate. I would be happy
to
help."
A
sex with those she helps, explains in her online message that she can
only
assist people in
PARENTAL OVERPROTECTION
In many cases, parents constitute the main barrier preventing their
handicapped sons or daughters from fulfilling their sexual desires, Kawai
said.
"I think parents, especially those of people with intellectual
deficiencies,
tend to overprotect their (adult) children and steer them away from
sexual
relationships. Some parents cannot accept that their children have
independent
personalities. Instead they seem to want them to remain as innocent
`angels'
forever."
Some disabled people, though, give up on the prospect of having a
boyfriend
or girlfriend and choose to use "delivery health" services that
specialize in
dispatching women or men to customers' houses or other locations to
provide
sexual services.
Kawai spoke to one woman in her 20s, who has a congenitally dislocated
hip
joint. The woman enjoys "dates" she has with a male prostitute sent
by an
agency in Shinjuku.
The decision to start using such a service was made by the woman. Her
parents, who wanted to help their "unhappy" daughter, pay for it. The
parents
judged their daughter incapable of maintaining a romantic relationship with
a man,
according to Kawai.
The day before her encounters with the man, she usually has a pedicure,
and
on the day itself wears make-up and her favorite clothes. Kawai believes
the
woman is in love with the man but is unable to bring herself to say so.
Such complications are not uncommon, according to Kawai.
"I met another physically handicapped woman who was shocked to discover
that
the man who had been providing her with sexual assistance had gotten a
girlfriend," she said.
"I came to realize that these people just want to have a normal, romantic
and
intimate relationship."
Kawai's book describes another example of how it can become difficult to draw
a line between gratification of sexual needs and an intimate bond.
She spoke to a married woman in
four times with two separate men, including a
at the time was in his 30s.
According to Kawai, the woman, a mother of two boys, was a member of a
nonprofit organization that instructed disabled people on how to operate
personal
computers.
While giving advice on sexual issues as part of the organization's
activities, the woman decided to participate in the sexual volunteer
activity.
But she soon sensed that the
herself unable to gain understanding about how she was trying to improve
people's quality of life, she felt she had to give up, Kawai said.
In the book, the Saitama woman tells Kawai how communication is a major
hurdle in dealing with this issue of sexuality.
"(Disabled) people can talk about dietary needs or a need to use the
bathroom, but they can't say anything about their sexuality," she said.
"Many of
them believe their very existence is just a nuisance for the people around
them.
So how do I best deal with such people?"
NO RIGHT ANSWER
Kawai also conducted research abroad, visiting SAR, a Dutch organization that
dispatches staff members as sexual assistants for disabled people.
The organization was established in the
disabled people. Every year about 2,000 people, not all of them from the
To avoid possible complications, all married staff at SAR are required to
gain consent from their partners for their activities.
Some municipalities in the
sexual services, providing they fulfill stipulated criteria, according to
Kawai.
But others question whether such arrangements are necessary.
"I don't think we need such a systematized sex service like the Dutch
have
put so much work into. It goes too far. This goes beyond a `quality of
life'
problem, I believe," said a male worker at a welfare facility in
said he fulfilled the request of a disabled man to help him masturbate.
The man
seemed unclear as to whether he even accepted the idea of sexual
volunteer
activities at all.
"I believe there is no right answer regarding sexual issues as each
person's
way of thinking about sexuality differs so much," Kawai said. "What I
can say
is...that people are trying to live their lives and they can find comfort in
doing so even with just a tiny bit of hope. I learned of the kind of
human
strength my interviewees could gain."
Kawai added, "I also learned a lot from people I met in writing this
book.
Talking to them, I felt it necessary to think again about my own sexuality.
I've received many e-mails or letters from readers who said the
same."
_http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/newssentinel/living/10459240.htm_
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