Flying Cheap Airlines......

Announcements made by airline attendants and pilots:

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to
have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...
Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell
you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats
with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left
of our airplane to the gate!"