Flying Humor ......

Real announcements made by airline attendants and pilots:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out of this airplane..."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the
wing of the airplane.

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking
in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as
you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a
bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight
pattern."

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

"This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that
monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in
their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at
the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."