"HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY”

* 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
* w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at
* passing cars. See if they slow down.

* 2) Page yourself over the intercom.
* Don't disguise your voice.

* 3) Insist that your e mail address is:
* Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com
* mailto:Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com
* Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
* mailto:Elvis-the-King@companyname.com .

* 4) Every time someone asks you to do
* something, ask if they want fries with
* that.

* 5) Encourage your colleagues to join
* you in a little synchronized chair
* dancing.

* 6) Put your garbage can on your desk
* and label it "IN."

* 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

* 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
* weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
* their caffeine addictions, switch to
* espresso.

* 9) In the memo field of all your checks,
* write 'for sexual favors.'

* 10) Reply to everything someone says with,
* "That's what you think."

* 11) Finish all your sentences with
* "In accordance with the prophecy."

* 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so
* that the brightness level lights up
* the entire work area. Insist to others
* that you like it that way.

* 13) Dont use any punctuation

* 14) As often as possible, skip rather
* than walk.

* 15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh
* hysterically after they answer.

* 16) Specify that your drive-through
* order is "to go."

* 17) Sing along at the opera.

* 18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why
* the poems don't rhyme.

* 19) Find out where your boss shops and
* buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
* one day after your boss does. (This is
* especially effective if your boss is of the
* opposite gender.)

* 20) Send e-mail to the rest of the
* company to tell them what you're doing.
* For example, "If anyone needs me,
* I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

* 21) Put mosquito netting around your
* cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

* 22) Five days in advance, tell your
* friends you can't attend their party
* because you're not in the mood.

* 24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say
* anything.

* 25) Have your coworkers address you
* by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

* 26) When the money comes out of the
* ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time
* this week!!!"

* 27) When leaving the zoo, start running
* towards the parking lot, yelling
* "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

* 28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices
* in my head that bother me, its the voices
* in your head that do."

* 29) Tell your children over dinner.
* "Due to the economy, we are going to
* have to let one of you go."

* 30) Every time you see a broom, yell
* "Honey, your mother is here!"